I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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