I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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