Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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