I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
