i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
