its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
