I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
