I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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