So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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