Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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