Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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