I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
