11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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