Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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