If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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