i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
did i just pee glitter
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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