you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
