Michael Bay diarrhea
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
