I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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