I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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