My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
