You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
