U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize