Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
