you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
