the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
