I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
