So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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