who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
