Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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