What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am available for nakedness
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
