somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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