LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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