fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
