The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
