dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
