idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
