She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
