Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
