i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
