dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
