I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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