a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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