I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
