Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
