I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
