Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
