Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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