you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize