ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
