we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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