I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
