Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My friends, they love my intelligence
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
