I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
