i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sarcasm needs its own font
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My ATM looks so different sober.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
