addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
