I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Define "chronic" masturbator.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
