omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
