So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
