I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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