they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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