you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize