Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize