Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
