I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think your dad took our porno
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so much tequila, so little girl.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
