no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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