Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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