piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dear god my vagina.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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