Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
where are my eyebrows?
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