hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
