in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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