Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
