This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
