my mouth tastes like poor choices
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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