i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
