i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
