I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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