If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
