Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
