Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
