I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
