i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
