but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
