Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just want to make out with him forever
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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