Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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