I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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