the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
