You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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