i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i barfeds in our rink
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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