They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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