the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize