i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
